infertility I hate you!

Ive been " going through it" as of lately. Crying at the drop of a dime at the thought of me having children, seeing children or just being by my friends who are prego. I am thrilled for them. Its just hard and no one really understands how I am feeling. Im so over the its not your time yet or it will happen. OR THE WORST: trust me you dont want kids its a handful. Im not some 16 year old chick trying to knocked up by the football captain! I had to express my self so I wrote a poem. It was getting to much for me. Even to the point my beautiful lil lady dog Sandy has been super clingy and wondering im sure what the heck is wrong with me. I dont mind. I do believe she is a special gift. Sometimes it helps to have her around when that sicking feeling strikes - wheres my baby feeling- but its not the right fix :)
I have insurance now, but its not the greatest and no docs around her except it ( Tulsa is the closest) so I have to find a doc in Tulsa, the time and gas money to even see what my options are.
Adoption is always an option for us. Some legal stuff is being handled so we can do that but thats going to take lots of time and even more money. Again, Prayers are always welcomed!!!

Infertility

I hate you.

Everyday my dreams

 Are chattered

Because of you…

I close my eyes and I see

The child that is mine

That I cannot conceive

Living vicariously through

My friends, my sisters

Watching them grow

With excitement

It is so hard

To keep on dreaming

When is it time to let go?

When do I finally realize

That sweet little child

Will never be mine?

One day when I close my eyes,

Will you not be there?

I expect no one to understand

And when they say

Oh its just not your time yet

Or it will happen soon.

They just don’t get it.

This empty feeling

That wont ever go away,

It could be here…to stay.

Infertility I hate you.

Id cure you

For all women not just me

I don’t think any pain

Is measurable

To not being able to conceive.

Ill cry my silent tears

And pray my prayer

Follow Hannah and try my best

To keep  faith like her

Just in case this is a test

Ill close my eyes

And see your hair, your eyes

That smile

The energy of you

I miss you and you never been here